Transformation and Adventure

From almost the moment I walked through the doors the tears began to flow. This seems to be the trend lately for me when I go to church. I cry. I cry when the music is being played, while I’m singing and while the Word is being spoken for my ears to hear, my mind to process and my body to soak in.

Today, as I was holding Miles fast asleep in my arms and singing words of love and praise, the tears just wouldn’t stop. I thought about why I was crying and what came to mind was what my mother-in-law said to me not too long ago. Rest in the Lord. Give it all up to Him. The stress, the worry, the fear. It’s a scary time right now. Things are tight, money seems to be the forefront of most conversations. At home, with friends, with colleagues.

I don’t think I knew how to take her words to heart until today. I think I was crying as my release to give it all up to Him. As parents we need to be strong and we need to operate daily as if everything is o.k. But, the stress of the financial climate and the reality of our situation can be overwhelming at times. I found, today, that I can release that to God and my goodness, it felt good. The truth is, everything is o.k. More than o.k. really. My children are healthy, my husband and I are in love, my friends are loving and there for me if I need them, my family is well and in spite of sickness, my father-in-law has a better attitude than most people I know. We are all blessed and alive and there is a deep core of comfort in that knowledge.

As I sat there with the tears streaming and using Mason’s sweatshirt as my hanky, sorry Mason I promise to wash it, I thought how can I get up, not wake Miles and go and get a tissue. Right then, no kidding, the woman behind me with her baby in her Bjorn sleeping, had gotten up, went to the back of the church and brought me a hand full of tissues. If you can imagine, that only made me cry more. To see that even in that moment, I was being taken care of.

The message today was about the partnership of transformation and adventure. How once we’ve experienced a personal transformation in our hearts we shouldn’t just sit comfortably in that place. That there is a direction to move, a place to move toward, an adventure to seek. The pastor said today, that with everything going on in the world, there is an adventure ahead of us. Who are we going to be and how are we going to be. It was an interesting perspective shift. To look at this road in front of me as a challenge, as an adventure. Who am I being and who am I going to be no matter what happens. Will our businesses fail or succeed, will we be able to stay in this community or have to move where the cost of living isn’t so high. Can we problem solve our way out of this predicament as a family, a community, a country. It’s an adventure and even though it’s difficult and stressful, I’m glad to be living it.

So, I’ll go to church next week, I’ll probably cry and hopefully I’ll remember to bring some tissues! I’ll give up the stress, the worry, the fear again and again and continue on the ride. It’s pretty crazy and definitely an adventure and I’m glad to be sharing it with the people I love and who love me.

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