Mom – Body, Mind and Spirit

I find myself amazed at how disconnected from your body you can become. I understand how it can happen. Years of abuse, things happening to your body that you aren’t in control of. Needing to disconnect in order to cope and survive.

This was the early life of my mother. She needed to separate herself from her body. She needed to survive. And now, at 75 years old, she knows no other way to be. I don’t think she even realizes that she’s disconnected. How could you after years and years of being numb. 
Maybe my need to be connected to my body, to the food I eat, the products I use, stems from watching my mother cope through life. My sister and I have had many conversations where we say that no matter what happens in our lives, we don’t want to be or react the way that our mother has been or reacted. We’ve seen the poison coursing through her body that is a result of stuffing all of her pain. 
I wish I could wave a magic wand over her to release all of that pain and suffering. I wish that there was an easy fix. She’s been suffering throughout her entire life in one way or another. But, her suffering has taught me to release. Even if in times of trouble I just stand and breath and imagine releasing the tension, the suffering, the negative from my body, I feel like I’m making a difference. A difference that I wish she could make but one that I am deeply thankful that I have the ability to do.
There are so many people who know my mom that are praying for her. I appreciate each and every one of you. Prayers are powerful and do change things. They do help to heal. Maybe I could ask people to pray for her pain and suffering to be released. The pain of years of abuse, the pain from loss and death of loved ones, the pain from life not being the way that she hoped it would be. Maybe through those prayers, she can find a way to heal her wounds. I have hope.
My mother is probably one of the strongest people I know. She is tough. She is a fighter, but it has been at a deep expense of her health. She didn’t know any other way, but somehow, she was able to teach me to let go. For that, I will be ever grateful.
Mom, I love you deeply, in all of the ways that you are and all of the ways that you aren’t. I love you in the ways that I want to be different from you and in the ways that I want to be just like you. I’m praying for you. Praying for you to heal your body, your mind and your spirit.

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Friday Inspiration – I AM

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